Yeah, Yeah, Yeah: I know you all want me to respond to this this story.

What's my response?

I'm actually dead, and the Bush administration is concealing my death because they don't want people to call for an end to the war on terror.

Which is funny, in a way. Because I may have kicked a couple of bucks towards the hijackers, but I didn't fly any airplanes. So the threat to the US isn't me, per se, but the fact that guys like me are teaching people killing Americans is fun, and that a good number of people are buying into that. So my death shouldn't be an excuse to call for an end to the war on terror, but you know it would be.

So like I said, I've been taken captive by Cuba, and they're threatening Bush that if he doesn't take back Elian Gonzalez, they'll air a video of me dancing on the American flag and singing the original words to "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

Believe whatever you want.